Playing the Piano

I took piano lessons when I was younger and use to be a decent piano player.  I use to LOVE to play the  piano when no one was home and there were no other noises in the house except for my fingers hitting the keys.  I would play songs from books, make up songs, or songs from memory.

Every once in a while, someone would want me to play for them.  I hated doing this!  I knew that I shouldn't feel that way, and I don't know how many times I was told that I needed to share my gift, but playing for other people made me nervous.  I would freeze and mess up EVERY time!  I would make silly mistakes, totally miss the melody, and just utterly embarrass myself.  It really took the joy of playing away from me.

I'll never forget playing in front of my childhood church one Sunday with the praise band.  I had to do an intro to a Jeremy Camp song.  I knew the intro- I could do it easily at home.   So that Sunday I stood in front of family and friends with a praise band waiting to join in after the piano intro.  I began playing and it went okay... for a total of 2 seconds- and then it was downhill from there.  I missed sharps that were suppose to be there, played flats that didn't belong, and totally messed up the rhythm to the praise song.  In fact, when it was time for the rest of the band to join in, they just looked at me like, "is it time!?"  I remember just nodding at the drummer.  He began and the rest of the band joined in and thankfully, praise was still offered to God that morning!!  That was, most definitely, the last time I played the piano in front of anyone.  In fact,  since I've been married (almost 9 years) I've lived without a piano in my house and hadn't touched the keys at all.

Today I cleaned out my garage and found a few of my favorite, old piano books.  I had a sudden urgency to play.  I had a rather frustrating and daunting day and NEEDED to be alone with my fingers spilling forth my thoughts and feelings.  I decided to go to my brother's house a little early to let their dog out.  I knew they would be gone for a little bit and my children were either napping or playing with friends.  When I sat down infront of the keyboard (not quite the same feeling as a piano- but I didn't care), I opened up the first book.  I was definitely rusty, but could still read music and struggled my way through the first song.  After that, I eased up a bit and just enjoyed the feeling of my fingers hitting the keys and the freedom to make music.  I'm sure I messed up the rhythm here and there, but it was okay-- it was like misspelling a word in your diary- you don't care because no one will ever read it.  It is just to get thoughts on paper.  For me, playing the piano was like writing in my diary.  Each time my fingers hit the keys and sound rang out, it was as if my feelings were being poured out on paper.  The unique thing is that when I feel relaxed and compelled on my own to play the piano, beautiful music can't help but come out.

I would never be able to do that if someone were standing right beside me or made a request for a particular song.

This started my heart pondering my spiritual life.  If I try to follow every good and well intending people's advice on how to please the Lord, then  I get overwhelmed and mess up.  The pressure is just too great- even if my desire is there.  However,  if I commit myself to the teaching of the word when I'm alone and talk with God, then not only is the desire to be holy there, but the freedom to do so is there as well.  When God, not man, puts the desire in me, then it becomes urgent in my heart.  Consequently, the beautiful music that is produced from that can't help but pour out -- regardless of anyone watching or not.