I think every mom faces some kind of guilt. Either guilt because they are working and are unable (or don't want to) stay home, or guilt that they do stay home and are not contributing financially to the family.
I have now been on both sides of the guilt. Last year, I had a terrible time dropping my two youngest off at daycare each day. I was constantly reminded how half of my check goes for someone else to watch my children. I loved the people who were with them, but hated that it wasn't me holding them before nap and talking with them through out the day. I also had guilt that I missed several of my eldest's school activities. Sure I could get someone to cover my class for about 15 min or so, but that wasn't enough to go to all the singing activities, parties, etc. The guilt of not being able to be a "mom" was very difficult for me.
On this end, there is a guilt. I get to do what I want and LOVE to do. Sure there are difficult and stressful days, but ultimately, I know that I'm so fortunate to be with my kids all day. The guilt comes in when I realize that my husband now bears all the financial weight for our family. He is the sole provider and with his type of job, this is just added stress. We have to watch our budget a lot closer and really plan things out. This was something that with two incomes, were were fortunate not to have to do as stringently. I have a guilt when I get up in the morning and am still in my PJs while he is dressed in his slacks and dress shoes walking out the door. Not being able to add financial support to our family does leave one with a type of guilt and often makes you question. Is it too much stress on my husband? Is this really the right thing?
I find that during these times of guilt and doubt, I simply pray. I pray that God would continue to lead our family and bless the opportunity he has blessed us with this year. I also pray that I would be open to whatever He has planned for me. I pray that the conviction and passion for me to stay at home is just as strong for my husband as it is for me. I too pray that my eyes and ears would be open. We chose for me to stay home to better our family, if my husband is overly stressed-- it is not for the betterment of our family. I want to be open to signs of this. In addition to prayer, I simply talk with my husband. I want to know how he is feeling and what I can do to support him.
I know there will come a time for both of us when we want something. Something that isn't needed- just simply a want. I also know that we will realize that we could have that "want" if I were working. I pray at those times we closely evaluate our situation and look at what God is telling us. It will be easy to forget the many hours of work and time away that my job requires. It will also be easy to forget how much help I need around the house and with the kids when I am working-- may God remind us of this when we start to look at the upcoming years. I believe God can use me for His glory regardless of whether I work or not. I do believe there is an element of choice there. However, I also want to make sure that we are choosing what is best for our family- and not just us!
**PS... I did not get to proofread this at all- if there are errors, forgive me! My children woke up and the day needed to get started!!
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