As mentioned in an earlier post, Lessons from a Mortgage Lender's Wife, a mortgage lender's job is one with great amounts of stress. There are people constantly putting you down, wanting things faster, and many times, wanting a different out come than what you can give.
What a helpless feeling to be the one to take the brunt of all complaints, hateful words, blame, and ultimately, your name and reputation put to the test. Especially when so much of the process is out of your hands and you have no control on the timing of such events. It is during these times I realize that my husband needs my support through my words, my actions, my prayers, and my willingness to be available to him-- not me trying to run the show on my terms to satisfy me. Last Sunday we had a lesson on speaking wisely.
A word spoken at the right time is like golden apples on a silver tray. - Proverbs 25:11
Often, I get wrapped up in my day-to-day struggles and forget that my partner also faces great trials. I tend to want to run my mouth before thinking-- complaining about how the kids behaved or what went wrong with my day. Or, many times, I start off with great intentions. I ask how his day went and when he doesn't offer a lot to the conversation, I start poking and prodding knowing full well that the time is not right. If he shows any kind of frustration or hatefulness at me, I then say something to make him feel bad- not exactly golden apples in a silver bowl. I desperately want to communicate and help in whatever way I can-- it just seems like sometimes I only want to help in the way I see best-- not the way that is truly helpful to him.
I have decided to choose to support him. It's not like I haven't supported him all along, it's just that maybe I wasn't doing it in the most appropriate way. Perhaps the right words for me, most of the time, are none at all-- or at least not when he just gets home.
I know that I will mess up and that it will take practice, but with God's help and direction, I believe I will start to find the right words (if any) at the right time.
In addition to watching my words, I know that part of my job in supporting my husband is to help alleviate stress. I know that some ways I try to do this is by having a clean home when he arrives and having dinner made (or at least in the works) when he walks through the door. I also try to surround my husband in prayer. Every chance I get to pray for my husband, I do. He is our leader after all, we should support him in the most powerful way possible! Being available for my husband is another strategy I'm trying. Being available to talk, to listen, to hold, etc. This is often the most difficult for me. I WANT to be available most of the time, but if I'm in a bad mood, or if I feel robbed of something- I often have a hard time choosing to support my husband through availability.
One of the best lessons I've ever learned about marriage was that it wasn't about me. Sure I have needs and I want a lot of things out of our marriage- but that isn't the point. My needs and dreams being met in our marriage is really just a biproduct of what a godly marriage is. The real purpose in marriage is to be a visual picture of Christ and His church- His people. Marriage is to show a lost world how Christ loves his people and how His people should follow and love Him. That's God's whole purpose in marriage- to bring Him glory. In doing this, we often reap the benefits that overflow from God's design.
It's kinda freeing knowing that I don't have to meet Kasey's needs- God will do that when I choose to follow God's plan. Knowing that my role is one of support-- I must choose to be the church to the lost world. I must choose to put myself aside and put my husband before me. I must choose to support my husband so that he can lead our family properly.
Lord help me as I commit to supporting my husband. May a lost world see your love for your people through our marriage. May they see how the church should act toward Christ through my submission to my husband.
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