This morning while dropping G off at soccer camp, I was praying for my husband. Praying that he would have a blessed day and be a light to others. He has recently had some stressful and dry times at work and I try and surround him with prayer as much as possible through out my day. It was during this time of prayer that I realized how thankful I am for him. God has given me an amazing partner in this marriage ministry. My husband has worked so hard for me to be able to stay home and has grown so much professionally, as well as matured spiritually. In this time of prayer and thankfulness, God revealed three important lessons I've learned from my husband: humility, conviction, and how you react under pressure speaks louder than any of your words.
Humility:
My husband is very good at his job, but he would never say so. Now I know I am bias, but I believe he truly IS great at what he does! He has won the Sales and Service award twice (or maybe 3 times), Mortgage Lender of the Year twice, and some other award (not real sure what it is called.) I, obviously, am so proud of him! He didn't tell me of these awards, or anyone else for that matter. I found the plaque and trophies in our closet! When I asked them about them, he casually acknowledged them and went about his way. I was shocked!! Who wins awards and tells no one?! I tried several times to get him to display these in his office. It would be great for his clients to see that they are in good hands and that he is highly qualified. However, Kasey felt like that was boasting and not needed.
It was then that I realized how humble he has become. He felt no need to boast in himself (even if it would be a professionally wise decision). This humility has come with his maturity in Christ and an area that is so beneficial for my children to see.
**On a side note, while I am blessed that my husband wished to be humble, I still would like to see his awards displayed in his office instead of on our dresser (where I placed them).
Conviction:
Perhaps one reason he has been so successful in his profession is his ability to conduct business with conviction. Mortgage lending is a stressful job and often his part in the whole process is misunderstood. It can, at times, remind me of my first job in retail.
When I use to work in retail, I would be faced with customers daily who would complain about the prices in the store, the sale policy, the store layout, etc. Often, especially during a stressful time like holidays, they would act just down right ridiculous! I always found this interesting since I was just the messenger and completely powerless in any of the decision making process for the store. I didn't set the prices, create the sale items, or the store layout. I simply worked there and followed the rules. There really was no need for them to be hateful to me or demand anything from me- I was helpless!
This is very much how my husband's job works! He is simply the messenger in most cases. He works for a fantastic bank that has a set formula on how they approve people for loans. This is really for the customer and employees protection. With that being said, he really can't decide- nor make any special exceptions, etc.- on who qualifies for a loan. He also has no control what paper work is needed and when, if closing dates get pushed back, last minute changes, etc. There are so many people behind the scenes in the mortgage process that no one can see. The lender is really the messenger in a lot of ways. Now his job has more to it than just showing up of course, but there are so many variable that are out of his control and yet he is the one to break the news, whatever it may be. The lender is the one you see and talk to (much like a clerk in a retail store). He/she is the one who is going to take all the heat and angry comments- even when it is far removed from their hands.
Knowing that many of the anger is misdirected at him, he still maintains a level of conviction and compassion for his customers. I saw him come home the other day obviously upset. Something went wrong with a loan and he had to tell some clients that they were not able to close on the house they wanted-- three days before they were to close (YIKES!). This is understandably very upsetting news and causes many people to get angry. In fact, heart broken. Since the lender, my loving husband, is the only one they see (and often believe is the only one involved) in this process, the heat came down on him (even though it had nothing to do with him.) While I probably would have been outraged at their behavior toward me and reacted less than honorably toward them, my husband took it all and felt awful for them. He knew it wasn't his fault, but that didn't change how bad he felt for them. He pondered all the different ways he could try and help them, or make it work, it just wasn't possible. Wow! If only they knew how much he was on their side!
He knows that a house is a big deal in people's life and he hates when it can't work out for people. He came home not upset that he didn't get a loan closed (since that is the only way he gets paid), not upset that he was yelled at, but upset that his clients will not be able to get the house they wanted. Wow- what conviction! He has such a good heart and operates with such integrity- even when it is undeserved. How I love his heart! He is teaching me to care for other's disappointment -- to bear their burdens.
How you act under pressure:
During my husband's first year as a Mortgage Lender we had a massive F5 tornado that decimated our town. In this time, home loans were obviously needed and the mortgage lenders, title companies, and banks were swamped. It was also during this time that we witnessed some amazing people overcome very traumatic events that took place in their lives. It became obvious to us that how you act under pressure speaks so much louder than the words said. My husband heard several stories of heartache and unspeakable loss. Most people in these situations acted with such patience and thankfulness. Many understood the incredible stress and overwhelming need, not just with them but for all their neighbors and businesses around them.
However, there were also those who didn't act so upstanding. Sadly, one of the most horrific events my husband has endured as a lender was from a couple we use to worship with and call friends. Unfortunately, due to such chaos, their closing date, along with countless others, had to be pushed back. They were devastated which was expected, but the way in which they conducted themselves during their frustration was not one that reflected the people we believed them to be or what they said they stood for. They not only withdrew their loan, but spoke awful about my husband and his bank on different online public platforms. Not to mention how they treated him to his face. This was particular hurtful and sad because they were, we thought, friends and fellow believers in Christ.
Perhaps what was more disturbing was that many who were non-believers in the same situation acted with more patience and compassion than those who claimed to be believers! This became one of the greatest lessons we have ever learned- how we act in stressful situations and treat those around us will speak so much louder than what we claim with our lips. If we were non-believers and saw this behavior from those who claimed to have Christ in their lives, we would want nothing to do with that! Especially in seeing how other non-believers handled themselves! How careful we must be to guard our witness, even when faced with disappointment and tragedy. It also makes me wonder, have we also been guilty of this? Have we acted out of frustration and anger and not reflecting the patience, grace, and mercy of Christ? I'm sure we have- and therefore have been guilty of the same crime. How I pray that God will forgive us for our selfishness and not let our mistakes be stumbling blocks to non believers around us. We are not perfect-- that's exactly why we need Christ. Since this happened, as hurtful as it was, we have forgiven them. They may have not acted the way we had anticipated or the way in which they should've, but maybe they too have grown from it.
The Bible tells us that the man is the head of the house. He is the one who is to lead. I can say with certainty that observing my husband both professionally and personally, that he has been leading his family toward Christ. He deserves all our respect and trust and we shall follow his lead. While he certainly isn't perfect, he is a man continually growing and sacrificing for his family. Kasey Cowger, we love you!
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